Download E-books Fifty Shames of Earl Grey: A Parody PDF

By Fanny Merkin, Andrew Shaffer

Young, boastful magnate Earl gray seduces the naïve coed Anna scouse borrow together with his overpowering beauty and astounding quantities of cash, yet will she have the ability to get previous his fifty shames, together with procuring at Walmart on Saturdays, bondage with handcuffs, and his love of BDSM (Bards, Dragons, Sorcery, and Magick)? Or will his darkish secrets and techniques and relentless smirking force her over the edge?

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It’s almost certainly my very own fault, Anna,” he says. “What do you suggest? ” “Remember whilst I acknowledged my condoms are adapted? ” he says. I nod. “Here’s the thing,” he maintains. “Apparently hemming a condom for a greater healthy isn’t this sort of shrewdpermanent inspiration. The sperm can swim all the way through the stitched seams. ” “Huh,” I say. I lay my head on Earl’s chest and instantly commence sobbing. “What’s mistaken? ” he asks. I stare into his staring at grey eyes. “What’s mistaken? Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you,” I say. The secret’s out. Earl Grey’s face lighting up with pleasure. I’ve by no means noticeable him so chuffed, aside from possibly whilst he’s emulating his hero, Tom Cruise. “I’m in love with you, Earl Grey,” I repeat. “When I ran from your penthouse, i used to be harassed. I’ve because learned that love is a bumpy experience; each rose has its thorns. i am hoping you’ll take me again. ” “Of direction I will,” he says. “I used to be frightened you wouldn’t take me again. I must have lower you a few slack for those who laughed at our role-playing session—at least you’re open to new issues. i do know what a sadistic prick i will be, Anna. It can’t be effortless to house the moody Earl gray, yet you appear to deal with me larger than any lady I’ve been with. You’re now not terrified of my fifty shames, and you’ve taught me that I shouldn’t be both. child, i used to be born this manner. ” I snigger. “I didn’t recognize you have been a girl Gaga fan! i like her. It seems like you and that i have been intended for every different. ” “I’m uncertain who that's, yet talking of being intended for every different . . . ” Earl will get down on one knee and produces a jewellery field from his pocket. “Remember whilst I stated I wasn’t the type of man who may well see himself with a female friend? ” I roll my eyes. How may possibly I fail to remember? “While I stand by means of that statement,” he says, “I can see myself because the form of man who has a spouse. ” “I imagine that sort of man is termed a ‘husband,’” I provide. Earl smiles and opens the jewellery field, revealing a gold engagement ring crowned with a sparkling rock. “Anna scouse borrow . . . will you marry me? ” “Yes! sure, convinced, sure! ” I say, not able to include myself. actually, i can't comprise myself, as urine trickles down my leg. I get rid of the hoop from the field and slide it on my finger. Upon nearer inspection, the stone is absolutely a diamond-studded twenty-sided die. Oh my. the hoop is so heavy i will slightly elevate my hand. My internal guidette does a fist pump. i would like to spend the remainder of my existence with this awesome, wealthy, beautiful, wealthy guy. “This demands a celebration,” I say. “I imagine i do know what you mean,” he says, embracing me and decreasing me onto the mattress. “Hold on,” I say. “Did you simply pay attention whatever? within the closet . . . ” Earl marches over to the closet and throws the door open. “Dr. Drew! ” he screams. The general practitioner stumbles out of the closet. “Sorry, i used to be simply, ah . . . leaving. ” Dr. Drew scampers out of the room. As he barrels down the steps, I listen him journey and roll the remainder of the best way to the ground. Dr. Drew screams for aid, whatever a few bone exhibiting. “Should we move money on him? ” Earl asks, peering out the door. “No,” I say. “He’s a doctor—he can heal himself.

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